Our president and I are both old white men. The previous two posts have focused on old and white. Today’s focus is about men. The President and I have masculinity issues that (at least in part) come from being born into a male dominate culture going through relatively rapid social change in the wake of World War II.
The President and I had very different fathers, which may explain some of our differences. My Dad was notably gentle, egalitarian and respectful toward women. He had a long life and a great relationship with a strong woman. The night he died, he peacefully slipped into a coma. My mother asked, with palpable grief, “He’s not going to talk to me anymore, is he?” The President seems to have had a very different role model.
But, we were both shaped by a culture that sought self-worth through success, performance, and strength. His insecurities seem obvious to me because I, too, have experienced insecurity and self-doubt. He finds hope in a male-dominate mindset that I see as a faux masculinity, expressed politically by men such as Viktor Orbán, Pete Hegseth, Vladimir Putin, Steve Bannon and J.D. Vance. Our key difference may be how we define strength.
The President seems to prefer a pre-World War II masculinity, but I found liberation in signs of progress I experienced in my childhood and youth. I admired Ronald Reagan, a long-time Democrat who in my childhood was a spokesperson for General Electric: “At GE, progress is our most important product.” Reagan became a Republican in 1962, when I was eleven.
I see my brother in the White House as one who needs to appear strong, to receive adulation, and is intolerant of dissent–signs of fragility and insecurity. The same demons are part of my DNA. As an adolescent and young adult, faith became an important source of strength for me in a fragile and insecure world. I grabbed onto Jesus, who to me symbolizes the wisdom of the ages, but my brother seems to have grabbed onto other things.
From a Google search about faux masculinity:
Faux or “fake” masculinity refers to a performative, superficial adoption of traditional male stereotypes–such as extreme aggression, emotional repression, and excessive dominance–often masking deep-seated insecurity, depression or fear. It is characterized by a “strongman” persona, entitlement, and the need to constantly prove oneself. This behavior is considered a reaction to lost or confused identity, differing from healthy, mature masculinity. Key aspects of faux masculinity include:
- Performance and Insecurity: Often, it is a desperate attempt to appear strong, which stems from a lack of inner confidence.
- Toxic Behaviors: Faux masculinity includes emotional suppression, sexism, misogyny, and homophobia, acting as a facade to hide vulnerability.
- Authoritarianism & Control: It often manifests as a need for total control, a desire to be the only one who matters, and an aspiration to act like a “strongman,”
- Consumerism: It is often driven by the idea that one can “buy” masculinity or status symbols.
- Depression Link: Studies indicate it can be a response to experiencing depression among men, notes the National Institutes of Health (NIH).
Contrast with Genuine Masculinity: True masculinity is often characterized by courage, courtesy, compassion, and emotional balance, unlike the “fake” counterpart that relies on empty displays of power.